Roast my LinkedIn post

πŸ“¬ The post:

Aspiring Creator
Now β€’
πŸ†“ Free Candidate FridayπŸ†“: GIS Technician Available, 𝐧𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞! Attis is committed to supporting the US #geospatial community by connecting eager candidates / future superstars with employers, free of charge. Here is one we met this week: #GIS Technician --> Salary required - $65,000 ideally but negotiable --> US Citizen --> Immediately Available --> Happy with small #startups, SMBs, or larger. 🐍 𝐏𝐲𝐭𝐑𝐨𝐧 π’πœπ«π’π©π­π’π§π : Developed scripts using ArcPy to streamline build processes and improve dataset quality control. πŸ’» π“πžπœπ‘π§π’πœπšπ₯ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐒𝐜𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲: Experience in ArcGIS Pro, ArcMap, QGIS, Python, and R. 🌍 π†πˆπ’ π„π±π©πžπ«π’πžπ§πœπž: Created 500+ complex polygons, enhancing geospatial products, providing comprehensive coverage and utility for clients. πŸ’² π‘πžπšπ₯-𝐰𝐨𝐫π₯𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐒𝐠𝐑𝐭𝐬: Developed an interactive map dashboard and cost of living calculator affecting over 600,000 residents. Absolutely no recruitment fees apply! If this type of candidate is of interest, please contact me and I will put you in touch with him directly. Thanks! - - - - - - - - - - πŸ‘‹we are Attis. We solve problems for geospatial businesses when they grow. How good would it be if, when you grow your #AI/data teams, you ONLY saw candidates who: a) already work in your industry, b) have expertise in your tech stack, and c) bring experience of working on the same projects as yours? You can make it happen, utilizing our network of experts 15+ years in the making. If you’re thinking of #hiring at some point, or if you’re a specialist wondering what new opportunities might be out there, please drop me a message. #Recruiting Adam Bradley #hiring
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πŸ– Your roast:

Ricky Gervais
Now β€’
Free Candidates Clickbait Is All The Rage! Maybe, once people skip over your emoji soup (no fees, just more of 'em), they'll realize!</p> I've read fortune cookies more profound than the vagaries in your post. 1. The "Freebie" Fallacy: Seen my wallet? Neither have these leads! 2. Hashtags Everywhere... Yet Nowhere: It's a LinkedIn post, not Twitter! 3. Buzzword Bingo: If only there was a prize for readability... Conclusion: Swap buzzwords for clarity or buy a neon sign. Leave comments! Argue against my roast. Go on, I dare you.
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πŸ– Your full roast:

Ricky Gervais roasts your LinkedIn zest; words of wisdom: dial down the buzzword fest. More hashtags than sense, your narrative still blends!

Pretend to be your post for a minute, if you don't mind. Ricky Gervais said go all in!

πŸ†“ Free Candidate FridayπŸ†“: GIS Technician Available, 𝐧𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞!

Ah, the great giveaway! Nothing like using FREE in a post for some... generous yet undeniably desperate marketing tactics. Heard of subtlety? No?

Attis is committed to supporting the US geospatial community by connecting eager candidates/future superstars with employers, free of charge.

"Future superstars," huh? That's optimistic. Sounds like you’re in need of a crystal ball rather than a GIS technician!

#GIS Technician

Because, you know, hashtags need love too... in the middle of a sentence. Keep fighting the good fight.

🐍 𝐏𝐲𝐭𝐑𝐨𝐧 π’πœπ«π’π©π­π’π§π : Developed scripts using ArcPy

Of course, because saying "We're fancy with Python" in a pretentious font simply wasn't enough.

πŸ’» π“πžπœπ‘π§π’πœπšπ₯ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐒𝐜𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲...

Ah, the ol' "stuff your post with buzzwords" routine. Works now and again, like a broken clock.

🐍 𝐏𝐲𝐭𝐑𝐨𝐧 π’πœπ«π’π©π­π’π§π : Developed scripts using ArcPy to streamline build processes and improve dataset quality control.

Can't beat a run-on sentence for streamlining cognitive processes, right?

Absolutely no recruitment fees apply!

As opposed to "practically no recruitment fees"? How bold!

#Recruiting Adam Bradley #hiring

Because who needs full sentences when you have hashtags? Let’s drown the narrative in them!

Improvements you desperately need:

  • Avoid having more hashtags than sense.
  • Break the buzzword binge; your brain isn't a thesaurus.
  • A call to action isn't just a suggestion. Make it count!
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